Hello! This is a telephone survey to assess voters’ opinions regarding the upcoming election on November 2nd.
Our first question concerns how likely you are to vote on election day.
Press 1 if you are very likely to vote.
Press 2 if you are somewhat likely to vote.
Press 3 if you are unlikely to vote.
Press 4 if you are 13 years old and therefore too young to vote, but you’re the only person in the house who bothers to answer the phone any more because 95% of the calls are for you.
Our second question concerns your attitudes towards the different political party candidates.
Press 1 if you plan to vote mostly for Democratic candidates.
Press 2 if you plan to vote mostly for Republican candidates.
Press 3 if you plan to vote mostly for Independent, Green-Rainbow, or Libertarian candidates who don’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell of winning anyway.
Press 4 if you’re so fed up with all the candidates that you’re tempted to write in your cat’s name for governor and your hamster’s name for lieutenant governor.
Press 5 if you are 13 years old and you really like answering questions in automated surveys, so you’re going to press whichever button corresponds to how your think your moms will vote.
Our final question concerns ballot question 1, which would repeal the state sales tax on alcohol.
Press 1 if you plan to vote Yes to repeal the tax.
Press 2 if you plan to vote No to keep the tax.
Press 3 if your main opinion related to alcohol is that you’re already tired of hearing your moms tell you “Don’t drink and drive,” and it’s still 3 more years before you can get a driver’s license.