We’re such a threat

Conservative politicians and pundits and religious leaders keep telling us what a threat gay and lesbian families are to the fabric of society. So my partner and I thought we’d try to schedule a time we could go out and do something threatening, and see how many heterosexual marriages we destroy along the way.

But we can’t be threatening on Monday, because after work we’re setting the tables at the soup kitchen, and then my son has Boy Scouts and he and I are both getting our CPR certification that night.

And we can’t be threatening on Tuesday, because there will be 3 extra neighborhood children here, and I’m probably going to be busy mediating yet another disagreement over Pokemon cards.

Oh, and Wednesday is out, because I have Bible study, and I think that might be when my partner is taking the cat to the vet.

Thursday won’t work too well either, because my son has an orthodontist appointment, and after that he will probably need help with the final draft of his school assignment, which involves writing a descriptive story from the perspective of a fork.

Friday night’s not good for threatening society either, because we will be getting take-out pizza and relaxing while we read the town newspaper and Sports Illustrated, and finish up reading our library books.

And Saturday’s out, because we’re going to make our third attempt at installing the new garage door opener, and the vegetable garden needs weeding, and we’ll probably have to mediate a few more disputes about Pokemon cards, and if we have time we’ll swing by the library.

Sunday’s not good either, because there’s church in the morning, and a trip to the natural history museum in the afternoon, and somewhere in there we should probably do a few loads of laundry and some grocery shopping so we’re ready for another week of more of the same.

Maybe we’ll have enough time to threaten society once the child is grown and we’re retired. OK?